Let’s get something straight here.
I don’t have a pet, nor do I want one. The idea of being responsible for another living thing scares the shit out of me. Especially a dog. I would rather give birth and raise a child then have a dog. I don’t know why. I just feel like I would make a better mother then dog owner. Cats are maybe more my speed, but I don’t think I could handle one of those either. My friend Anna Gianola told me once that I am like a cat. If I want to be around you I will, if not, you won’t see me for an extended period of time. It’s not that I am avoiding you, it’s just that I do what I want. I don’t know if a cat owner who has a cat like attitude would be the best cat owner. But that is beside the point, I don’t have a pet, nor do I want one.
But at night, there is no electricity. My computer charger is damaged and doesn’t work half the time, so my computer is often dead. I am bored. I can’t get my act together to buy an oil lamp and candles start adding up fast. My neighbor is always bringing guys over to introduce them to me. It’s awkward. I enjoy sitting on my porch at night, but then I have no excuse to say now when an impromptu “blind date” shows up. What do I say? “Oh, I am sorry, I am busy, sitting here alone in the dark. Maybe next time.”
So I go on these trick blind dates. Sit across from some guy in tight white pants and a sequined shirt, answering the typical first date questions with no enthusiasm. I am American. I am from Portland, Oregon, you know the Trail Blazers. I am from an organization that sends people to other countries to live and help communities, I will be here for two years, I have completed X amount of time, blah blah blah. Then I get annoyed that I am sitting there wasting my precious sit and do nothing time. I mean, I have episodes of The Wire I can be watching, useless lists to make, solo games of bananagrams to play. But I have no excuse to leave. What am I going to say. Oh excuse me, I have to go and play Sudoku on my computer real fast, it’s really important? No.
Tonight, as I was sitting across from one of these poor gentlemen in my neighbor’s apartment and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I looked around the room and said “I am sorry, please excuse me, I left a candle in my room and I want to blow it out before it burns out.. I’ll be back ahorrita.” For those of you who don’t know, ahorrita is any time between five minutes from now and tomorrow. Blowing out a candle isn’t an “ahorrita” event. But I made it into one.
So, I am going to search for a pet. Not because I want one, but because I want an excuse to leave awkward social situations and sit in my apartment and be alone. Maybe I can start with a fish. “I will be back later, I have to go feed my fish.” Does that work?
It’s better then blowing out a candle anyway. Thoughts?